UPDATE:

UPDATE: So my family is pretty good right now, I'm fine the only thing I really want to talk to you about is the who moments leading up to the death thing. I know I have gone over this before but this time its slightly different. I stopped being able to feel.
     The last time I wrote something like this I was sad and now I don't feel anything. If I am about to feel an emotion like sadness or anger my emotions shut off. I go numb. I can't express to you enough that I am dead inside and I don't know what I can do about it. Now that I can write something and not feel anything. This might be a bit boring or sad. I can't tell.
     The moments leading up to a death that is like a cancer or a major illness of some sort are the saddest moment of some peoples lives. And the scariest of the person who dying. Some have no idea that they are dying like people with dementia. There is a song about that its "I'm not gonna miss you" I can't remember who sang it (kind of Ironic) but it perfectly embodies what Dementia is and feels like. When you have no idea what's going on and you don't care because you have no idea that you have no idea. kind of funny when you think about it but also sad, because all the people around you feel so sad because they know your dying and you have no clue. Your brain is deteriorating and you just know that, the sky is pretty and there is people around you. you don't know who they are, you don't know where you know them from but you know that they care about you.  The Notebook is a perfect representation also. She has no idea who that story is about, all she knows is its beautiful and she recognizes it a little but them forgets everything at they end of the day.

     Now the people that know they are dying are scared shitless because they know the end is near and they sometimes try there hardest to stop it at all costs. And those who know and also know that they cant stop it get scared more and more each day until there time comes. My uncle just had a stroke and I know he wont admit it but he's scared. He's scared that the stoke may be the thing that kills him and most of all he's scared he will have to become fully dependent upon someone else.
Do you know what the greatest fear of most Americans is dependence. That's why most people think there afraid of death, they are afraid of the moments leading up to death.