So today I'm driving home from dinner with my family and we all talking and chatting and I look out the window because my parents are just looking at the sky because we can see rain in the distance, and they thought that was cool. So were sitting there looking im on the phone with my uncle and he's talking about movies he has seen and whats going on where he lives. I turn to look out the window and I see a cool figure in they cloud and I say, "oh cool guys, look at this cloud its so cool" now they are thinking its just the sunset so they say " yeah we know its cool you can see rain and the clouds are cool your like a conversation behind." and I tell them "no guys look it looks like a soldier kneeling at tomb stone" and it did it had a helmet, a back pack, and everything and there was a tombstone shape also.
now my family after a little while actually look at the cloud and see it. So to capture this once in a life time event we want to take a picture. so we pull over and attempt to take a picture. now it took my mom and I forever to get out cameras up to take it and by that time it had morphed and changed. but it had only changed the soldier enough to look like he was holding up a gun and defending the tombstone.
this I though was so heart wrenching that I just had to make a story on it. So here goes.
a soldier stands in battle side by side with his men. he eats with them, he sleeps next to them, he feels there pain, he fights with them. they all become the best of friends. they fight to defend there country from all evil. they are they force that keeps us safe. now on this day, on Memorial Day we remember those who have paid the ultimate price for our country. those who have died defending what is right. on this day Memorial Day, we remember those who have died for us.
Now most people don't know this but Memorial day was started by slaves during the civil war. What they did was they took there bodies of the Union soldiers that had died on the battle field and gave them graves with wooden crosses for tombstones. The government realized this and decided to create a day around these acts of kindness and they told these slaves " you know what you just did for these soldiers, you memorialized them." from then on we have celebrated Memorial day to give light to those acts of kindness.
Now on Memorial day we have picnics and cook outs and maybe just a family gathering. But what most people don't do on memorial day is go to a grave site. the only people who do that is people who have loved ones who have died in service. the only people who do that are people who care about the fact that these soldiers have given the ultimate sacrifice for out country. now on this day we need to remember those who have died in service, because if we don't than who will.
to give you a story I will start with a boy. A boy and his father. this boy was like any other boy at his school. he played with the other kids, he eats like every other kid, he talks well and he has good grades. But the only difference was his dad was a soldier. Go to see his dad every once in a while when he was on leave but not as much as the other kids who talked to there dad daily. yeah its not the dad he would have chosen but he got him and he loves him all the more. but sometimes when his daddy came home it wouldn't be like the last time. Sure he would get his welcome home party and everything like that but this time it was the 4th of July and there was fireworks and things like that. they little boy wanted to sit is his daddies lap and watch them with him and he did, but daddy Sat there only for a little bit. when the fireworks started he was fine but as they got louder and louder the blasts and flashes of light where more then just fire works to him they where gun shots and bombs going off. daddy ran off to hide from the fireworks. the little boy was sad that dad had left but he under stood that yes daddy left for a little bit but when daddy gets better he will come back. the little boy had gotten used to daddy running off and screaming. he knew daddy was not okay but he also knew that if he tried to help it would only make it worse. the little boy knows how daddy can be when he first gets back.
When daddy left again it was back to normal. but this time it wasn't just a few months till he saw his dad again its 3 years and the boy is not in middle school. when dad came back this time he was older and he knew what happened when dad ran off screaming and he knew what not to do to have that happen. he greeted his dad when he go home like any boy would if he hadn't seen his dad is over 3 years. And when they got home they had a meal already for him and everything. they knew no surprises, no fireworks, no loud noises, Because if they had any of those they would set off dad. but little did they know dad was easier to set off this time. He woke up in the middle of the night screaming and sweating from the night terrors. And jus something as little as a crashing dish could get his in defensive mode. now this time that they had with him were short and scary most of the time but it was time with dad. this boy looked up to his dad. he knew that one day he wanted to be him. now when dad went away this time they thought it was going to be the last time. but there goes 1 year, 2 years, 3 years, 6 years, 10 years went past and they heard nothing. finally they get a nock on the door by a man in uniform. He says " your husbands been a prisoner of war for 5 years. we have sent in recue troops but they were unsuccessful, we have tried everything we can to bring him home. we are deeply sorry but he has be declared a Prisoner of War and can not be retrieved." the man is uniform explains that there is nothing they can do for him. but they will provide the with everything they will need for a service is they wanted one. and anything they need for college and things like that. the boy now being and adult and being fully in enraged by this news drives to the enrollment office and enlists in the army to find his father.
he goes through mission after mission. year after year. to find his father 2 years go by and nothing but finally he gets sent to the place where his father was imprisoned, on a rescue mission for on of his men. they successfully infiltrated the site and taken capture of the soldiers holding them there, and his men find all the soldiers that had been imprisoned there. he found a man who had told him that his father lasted for 12 years and said that his boy is coming for him. this soldier showed his to the place where they had placed the body. His body was berried by the soldiers that had had been imprisoned with they had put a rock there as a tomb stone with his name on it. the boy stood by this fathers grave fell to his knees and wept. If he had only gotten there a little earlier than maybe he could have saved his father. when the soldier looked up he saw something move behind a building. when it peeked out again he realized it was one of the prison guards pointing a gun at him. the boy rose his gun and rose on to one knee, pointed, aimed, and fired. He had killed this man defending his fathers grave.
the boy returns home with his fathers body in a wooden box covered in an American flag.to finally lay to rest his father.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Sunday, May 24, 2015
so today I'm going to write a letter to people. People who are customers at any store like Walmart or Menards or even Kroger's. To really anyone who goes to a store at all. Here goes...
People,
When you come in a store for anything and think its funny to piss on the people giving you service. You are an asshole. To the person who walks in to the store with a return and who we are being very nice with who is getting angry because we CAN'T do what you want us to because that would be ILLEGAL. To the person who thinks it is fucking hilarious when we get sent home crying because your wise ass decided to fucking break 56 BLOCKS and yell at us for a discount and when we can't give you one you get angry.
To the person who comes in to a McDonalds and they just miss one thing and you come in wanting a refund for you entire meal that you got 3 weeks ago. and then gets angry because we cant give you a refund because you ordered it 3 WEEKS AGO. To the person who ordered some metal sheets and sent them back because they weren't in perfect condition because newsflash none of them are and there aren't going to be perfect any where else and after you put them on the ground your just going to cover them in much anyways. IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!!!!!
YOU ARE ALL ASSHOLES!!!! AND THINKING YOU CAN GET FREE SHIT BECAUSE NEWSFLASH... WE WILL NOT DO IT... AND CAN NOT DO IT... sometimes I feel like people just give me the shit that they accumulate throughout the day and they may feel better after they leave but we feel like we are getting pissed on by everyone and I tell you sometimes it actually makes us cry. And yes I know you may have to use the restroom or yes you may have to through something away but we are closed there is a restaurant right next door that is open 24 hours. GO THERE... I give you service but I don't serve you. remember I can over charge you and I can also spit on your food, and I can take forever to finish your order. so don't mess with the hand that feeds you.
thank you, the service industry
People,
When you come in a store for anything and think its funny to piss on the people giving you service. You are an asshole. To the person who walks in to the store with a return and who we are being very nice with who is getting angry because we CAN'T do what you want us to because that would be ILLEGAL. To the person who thinks it is fucking hilarious when we get sent home crying because your wise ass decided to fucking break 56 BLOCKS and yell at us for a discount and when we can't give you one you get angry.
To the person who comes in to a McDonalds and they just miss one thing and you come in wanting a refund for you entire meal that you got 3 weeks ago. and then gets angry because we cant give you a refund because you ordered it 3 WEEKS AGO. To the person who ordered some metal sheets and sent them back because they weren't in perfect condition because newsflash none of them are and there aren't going to be perfect any where else and after you put them on the ground your just going to cover them in much anyways. IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!!!!!
YOU ARE ALL ASSHOLES!!!! AND THINKING YOU CAN GET FREE SHIT BECAUSE NEWSFLASH... WE WILL NOT DO IT... AND CAN NOT DO IT... sometimes I feel like people just give me the shit that they accumulate throughout the day and they may feel better after they leave but we feel like we are getting pissed on by everyone and I tell you sometimes it actually makes us cry. And yes I know you may have to use the restroom or yes you may have to through something away but we are closed there is a restaurant right next door that is open 24 hours. GO THERE... I give you service but I don't serve you. remember I can over charge you and I can also spit on your food, and I can take forever to finish your order. so don't mess with the hand that feeds you.
thank you, the service industry
Friday, May 22, 2015
new writiing string
so I figured out something to do with my blog and I have decided to start a string of letters. Letters to various people. Like people at impacted my life in some ways or just some people in general. I'm going to start by writing a letter to God. Now I am by no means a religious person and this is in no way me trying to project my views onto the other people. Its just something got me thinking if god truly exists and if he walked up to a random person that life has wronged them in some sort of way and god walked up to them and asked them a question. like for instance if god walked up to lets say a cashier at a super market and asked them "if you could change one thing about anything what would it be?" ill tell you what brought this on.
I wasn't supposed to work today but I'm glad I did. I came into work to do some training for my job and they tell me to get on a register. So me being the lovely person that I am figured what harm could it do ill just be here for like an hour. I go on my register and I want to say maybe an 45 minutes in a old man comes up with some mulch and some other things. I scan his items through and I finish his transaction and he looks to me and eyes my name tag. He asks "so are there many people in your class with your name?" I say " well yeah there are maybe 3 or 4 in my class with the same name but not the same spelling" he nodded and continues on out the door as I tell him to have a nice day. Later he comes back in with his cart to put it away and he walks up to me and says "you know you are a very smart girl. Really and very nice. I got a question for you" I say " okay what cha got for me" he replies with a question "So if you could fix anything and make it perfect what would it be?" I think about it for a second and reply with " poverty." he nodded and said " I can tell you are a forward thinker anything else you want to fix?" I said " Yes. social injustice." now he starts saying "you know we pray for all the world in gods prayer and so..." than he starts spewing out the lords prayer and I start to toon out because at this point in my head I'm saying oh god its one of those Jesus freaks here to tell me God can fix everything. I started to look at an other guest to show to him I have to work so he ended with lords prayer and said " and god be with you" and I replied with "and also with you" with the good pastors daughter I am, and than continued with another guest. but this got me thinking what if god were one of us.
what if god was someone you could just talk to just like you and me. this got me thinking about if god what going to ask one random person if they could fix anything who would he choose? Would he choose a billionaire with all the money in the world? Would he choose a homeless person with out a penny to his name? Would he choose a teenager with a baby that she can afford? would he choose a orphan adopted by gays? Or would he choose a cancer patient? Or a christen? Or would he choose an atheist?
If god chose to talk too you what would you say... would you know it was him? Would you think he was a crazy guy talking to you? I don't know but if god was just a stranger walking around and he asked random people what they would fix about the world and than he fixed it. what would happen.
I thought about that today when that old guy started talking to me. What if that old guy that was talking to me was God... and he just asked me to fix something in the world... first if that was really "God" than my views on religion are all wrong, and second of all if that was god he asked me to fix something about the world. If it was will he fix it? will he change the world to eradicate poverty and get rid of social injustice? if so that would be cool so now I'm going to try something. I'm going to write a letter to god. and to other people just to the world knows what I think about people.
Right now being a Pastors daughter my views on god are a little weird. I believe that if god truly existed why would he let all this hate be in this world. I like to say I don't believe in a deity. That I don't believe in one thing controlling the actions of the many. I think in my head most of the time that the bible is just an old book that some one read and people actually believed it was real. I read a story once on tublr about how the world is one person and one person is the world. By this I mean that the world is made up of reincarnations of one person and that everyone was once that person. and that once the world is done that being that all of us is or was becomes one almighty. and the great god that we believe in we will become.
that I thought was a neat interpretation of god. and to bring every religion in to it making it so that not one religion was right or wrong. but to make it so that all religions were one in the same and that every single person that ever was, is, or will be are all the same person. so those people that you just made fun of for being gay or for being something society thinks is wrong. is you. you are making fun of you.
I wasn't supposed to work today but I'm glad I did. I came into work to do some training for my job and they tell me to get on a register. So me being the lovely person that I am figured what harm could it do ill just be here for like an hour. I go on my register and I want to say maybe an 45 minutes in a old man comes up with some mulch and some other things. I scan his items through and I finish his transaction and he looks to me and eyes my name tag. He asks "so are there many people in your class with your name?" I say " well yeah there are maybe 3 or 4 in my class with the same name but not the same spelling" he nodded and continues on out the door as I tell him to have a nice day. Later he comes back in with his cart to put it away and he walks up to me and says "you know you are a very smart girl. Really and very nice. I got a question for you" I say " okay what cha got for me" he replies with a question "So if you could fix anything and make it perfect what would it be?" I think about it for a second and reply with " poverty." he nodded and said " I can tell you are a forward thinker anything else you want to fix?" I said " Yes. social injustice." now he starts saying "you know we pray for all the world in gods prayer and so..." than he starts spewing out the lords prayer and I start to toon out because at this point in my head I'm saying oh god its one of those Jesus freaks here to tell me God can fix everything. I started to look at an other guest to show to him I have to work so he ended with lords prayer and said " and god be with you" and I replied with "and also with you" with the good pastors daughter I am, and than continued with another guest. but this got me thinking what if god were one of us.
what if god was someone you could just talk to just like you and me. this got me thinking about if god what going to ask one random person if they could fix anything who would he choose? Would he choose a billionaire with all the money in the world? Would he choose a homeless person with out a penny to his name? Would he choose a teenager with a baby that she can afford? would he choose a orphan adopted by gays? Or would he choose a cancer patient? Or a christen? Or would he choose an atheist?
If god chose to talk too you what would you say... would you know it was him? Would you think he was a crazy guy talking to you? I don't know but if god was just a stranger walking around and he asked random people what they would fix about the world and than he fixed it. what would happen.
I thought about that today when that old guy started talking to me. What if that old guy that was talking to me was God... and he just asked me to fix something in the world... first if that was really "God" than my views on religion are all wrong, and second of all if that was god he asked me to fix something about the world. If it was will he fix it? will he change the world to eradicate poverty and get rid of social injustice? if so that would be cool so now I'm going to try something. I'm going to write a letter to god. and to other people just to the world knows what I think about people.
Right now being a Pastors daughter my views on god are a little weird. I believe that if god truly existed why would he let all this hate be in this world. I like to say I don't believe in a deity. That I don't believe in one thing controlling the actions of the many. I think in my head most of the time that the bible is just an old book that some one read and people actually believed it was real. I read a story once on tublr about how the world is one person and one person is the world. By this I mean that the world is made up of reincarnations of one person and that everyone was once that person. and that once the world is done that being that all of us is or was becomes one almighty. and the great god that we believe in we will become.
that I thought was a neat interpretation of god. and to bring every religion in to it making it so that not one religion was right or wrong. but to make it so that all religions were one in the same and that every single person that ever was, is, or will be are all the same person. so those people that you just made fun of for being gay or for being something society thinks is wrong. is you. you are making fun of you.
just stupid writeing
I refused to get out of bed today until I absolutely had to so naturally my sister slams open my door and at one yelling "get up its one o'clock in that after noon" and I just had to get up cause if I didn't she would have hit me with a pillow or water. Yeah. She's nuts. Well my hole family is nuts so yeah. but hey I'm nuts.
since I got up I decided to cook.I have now made the avocado pasta recipe from the YouTube channel Whatsupmoms it sucked. I am not to good at cooking and to top it all of I have cravings because im on my period. so that just sucks cause I hurt and I am moody and I cry like all the time and I try to cool and I sucks when Im on my period.
so dear future husband,
I am so sorry for my periods. I am gonna cook horribly during my periods so hopefully you can cook. so just for you information I can cook but just like one week a month I suck. sorry ahead of time and if you are anything like "that guy" than I should kick you to the curb cause you probably. so yeah I should write a letter to "that guy". so just so you know future husband I hope you know what your getting into cause I am seriously messed up. so you better be just as messed up as I am cause I don't want a one sided realationship of weirdness.
since I got up I decided to cook.I have now made the avocado pasta recipe from the YouTube channel Whatsupmoms it sucked. I am not to good at cooking and to top it all of I have cravings because im on my period. so that just sucks cause I hurt and I am moody and I cry like all the time and I try to cool and I sucks when Im on my period.
so dear future husband,
I am so sorry for my periods. I am gonna cook horribly during my periods so hopefully you can cook. so just for you information I can cook but just like one week a month I suck. sorry ahead of time and if you are anything like "that guy" than I should kick you to the curb cause you probably. so yeah I should write a letter to "that guy". so just so you know future husband I hope you know what your getting into cause I am seriously messed up. so you better be just as messed up as I am cause I don't want a one sided realationship of weirdness.
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Okay so today I went to work and that was okay. I work at the local connivance/hardware store and I work as a cashier in the garden center. So today wasn't bad it was just stressful when I got in the car to go home. My dad starts complaining about how my mom brings all her angers at work home with her and shit like that. sometimes my parents act more like a couple of teenagers than my friend and I act like. Its pretty bad when they are complaining about them complaining about each other. They act like such idiots sometimes. Its really stupid. I thought I had problems when I had to deal with difficult guest at work when the real problems lie behind my front door. my parents fight at least once a month. even more if they hang out more than 4 days with each other. My dads a firefighter and my mom works with the developmentally disabled. So my parents don't see each other more than 3 days at a time. Which works out pretty well because we they talk on the phone and stuff but if they stay in a room together for like an hour one gets mad at the other and either the other attacks back or they let it go. And for the most part they have a pretty healthy relationship but it gets tiresome at times.
So I'm stressing out over this fucking graduation party I have to plan. I have to paint some frames I have to buy all the table cloths all the decorations the venue the invitations everything. I thought it would be easier. but I am like freaking out right now the printers at my house suck and I haven't sent out the invites and I still have to print off pictures and hang them in a frame and than I have to go and get cups and more ribbon and more shit that I can't afford but I'm doing it so no one knows that I am not graduating. and I am so over stressed because of this party and of every thing that I feel like I am going to explode from the inside out.
How many invites can there be there are so many and I thought I was being conservative with just 40 but gezzz. that's a lot of postage. ugh I'm so don't I going to have an anxiety attack or a seizer one or the other they feel similar. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
why me. why did I volunteer to plan my own party why did I even ask for a party to began with. ugh im just done sighing off.... night
So I'm stressing out over this fucking graduation party I have to plan. I have to paint some frames I have to buy all the table cloths all the decorations the venue the invitations everything. I thought it would be easier. but I am like freaking out right now the printers at my house suck and I haven't sent out the invites and I still have to print off pictures and hang them in a frame and than I have to go and get cups and more ribbon and more shit that I can't afford but I'm doing it so no one knows that I am not graduating. and I am so over stressed because of this party and of every thing that I feel like I am going to explode from the inside out.
How many invites can there be there are so many and I thought I was being conservative with just 40 but gezzz. that's a lot of postage. ugh I'm so don't I going to have an anxiety attack or a seizer one or the other they feel similar. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
why me. why did I volunteer to plan my own party why did I even ask for a party to began with. ugh im just done sighing off.... night
Monday, May 18, 2015
shit i deal with, with guys
Okay so I'm going to start out this update with some background on me and my life. I live in middle-of-nowhere Ohio and there is probably a grand total of 3 guys in this town that have noticed me let alone even taken an interest in me. One I have know for I want to say my hole life, at least it feels that way, but I have probably known him for about 15 years. An other just moved here from I think Germany and has barley spoken two words to me since but he has spoken to me granted he was chewing me out over something I didn't say. OK so for my high schools homecoming and my senior year homecoming our theme was Star Wars. yeah that's awesome and all that but they didn't allow light sabers at school or the dance and it was frowned upon if you cosplayed for the dance so that sucks, but back to the point, the senior float idea was doing a X fighter and I thought that was going to be silly. Why do just a regular X fighter when you could do the Millennium Falcon. So and I said " why AREN'T we doing the Millennium Falcon?" and he replied with " we aren't doing the Millennium Falcon. that's an X Fighter get it right."
Yeah so that was not only stupid but one of the only times he has ever spoken to me. The last guy, ohhhhhhh the last guy. I could rant about that asshole for days. Okay so what happened was my friends and I were going on a camping trip. No big deal just 2 guys and 4 girls, nothing big. I had particularly taken a shine to one of my guy friends. He had a girl friend so I figured he's taken and I guess Ill get someone else. Anyways were one this camping trip and were hanging out having fun occasionally screaming at one of my friend but over all we were having fun. The couple that came they were in there tent fooling around so the 3 of us because one of the girls flacked, the 3 of us wanted to occupy out time so we started playing cards cause what else do you do during camping but play cards and cook. So were playing I think go fish but I can't quite remember. We were playing something and I was having fun playing keep away from the other girl friend. And this guy decides to turn up the stakes and grabs the card from my hand. And I was shocked but we were still having fun.
Yeah, so I figured I bet I could get to the point where he wont grab it so I licked one of the cards and held it between my lips. Yeah . And he grabbed it with his mouth. Now at this point I'm like holy crap he's making a move. So I continue with this game just to see what would happen. I start putting the cards in my bra which is conveniently sticking out of my shirt just a little bit and he comes at me and licks me on my chest then gets the card. than says " you keep thinking I won't do it but I will and I will take it one step farther every time" and he kept his promise. I continue to play the game and sure enough if he didn't lick all around my chest one more time. I look down at him adjusting his "impressive length" and he's getting just about as aroused as I am. Now he has an Idea "lets take this inside the tent its getting hot out here and lets play something different."
So we get in the tent and he suggests we play poker. And guess what I have zero knowledge of how to play poker and we have no chips. He suggest we play strip poker. And me being stupid agrees and guess what I'm the first to start stripping. My shirt was the only thing coming off. Than this guy says this " so I'm going to do something crazy but you have to be open to it. Are you open minded." I say yes and than he comes at me in one big swoop and he kisses me. passionately and wow. He snakes his tongue in and out through my teeth and hold my head with one hand so I can't escape. But before I knew it, it was over. He sits back and looks at me and says " are you okay with that" I say um yes I am totally okay with that. It gave my a little bit of a head rush but yeah I'm okay with that. We start to play poker again and the other friends that were fooling around in the other tent were done and making noise so I got out. And that didn't stop there we realized we had to eat so we started to get hot dogs out but I realized we don't have any wood left so I decided we needed to go on a wood run.
Yeah so that guy was the only one with a car and he wont let any one else drive it. and I had the money. So we have to go together. Little did I know I was getting a little bit more than just cut up trees. So we get down there he gets the wood while I am paying for it and than we both go out side while he puts the wood in the back I get in the passenger seat. Than when he's done he gets in the drivers seat turns on the car but doesn't drive off. He goes and turns so me and says "so how did you like what you got earlier" I figured out what he was dong right away and I so want it so I play along I say " it was good. even though I don't have much experience in that field." he says "well would you like some" I say " yes" all hot and bothered and in an instant his lip are inter locking mine and he had taking my hair in to his hands and I am lost in his kiss. He starts kissing down my neck and I moan loudly, I can feel his smile on my chest as he continues to kiss and suck my neck and down to my breast. He released my breast from my bra and sucks hard on my left nipple, and the feeling resonates down to my groin. I moan again feeling in his every touch. He pulls away leaving my panting and wanting. He starts to unzip his pants and release his growing erection. He says " you wanna feel this."
I stare at it in awe as I node yes. I lean towards his length and take him in to my mouth hard and fast he's surprised and happy. Move up and down and up and down and I decided I wanted to test how far I could go so I went deeper and deeper until there was nowhere else to go. At this point I have all of him in my mouth and when I come up for breath he takes my head and put my mouth to his and than says " lets move to the back seat" he lets me move back as he follows and when we are seated he takes my mouth again, capturing it in his mouth, moving his tongue in and out around and back. As he lays me down on to the seat he unhooks my bra and frees my breasts. And than takes my shorts off along with his shorts. And he takes his shirt off and mine. we are naked in front of each other and sweating. Climbs on top of me and than slowly enters me. Slowly in and out. in and out, I feel him and his full length inside me. I feel full and fantastic. He picks up his pace faster and faster. I started to feel and quickening inside and the faster he goes the quicker it gets until this build up is so much that I come around him as he comes inside me. The explosion of passion that has happened has left both of use tired and breathless. and I am done...
After that encounter we get back to the camp site and we make up a story of the fact oh we got lost and its hot. than for the rest of the trip he continues to ignore me and act like that didn't even happen. Well fuck that. We get back from this trip and he doesn't even acknowledge me at all until I accused him of having crabs which I might add was not true. That was something my friend told me to keep me away from him. Hmmmmm yeah didn't work very well. but than he massaged me like oh I don't know 6 or 7 months later saying oh I want you so bad please I want to fuck you so hard. WELL FUCK YOU. Um no and than not even week later my friend tells me has been engaged to his girl friend for 4 months. really. yeah so i have grown to hate that man. and than he hits on my friend while she's on a bad trip and than fucking calls me and says he's horny and lonely come love me.
So that's that I'm don't ranting about how one guy ruined me for all
men.
Yeah so that was not only stupid but one of the only times he has ever spoken to me. The last guy, ohhhhhhh the last guy. I could rant about that asshole for days. Okay so what happened was my friends and I were going on a camping trip. No big deal just 2 guys and 4 girls, nothing big. I had particularly taken a shine to one of my guy friends. He had a girl friend so I figured he's taken and I guess Ill get someone else. Anyways were one this camping trip and were hanging out having fun occasionally screaming at one of my friend but over all we were having fun. The couple that came they were in there tent fooling around so the 3 of us because one of the girls flacked, the 3 of us wanted to occupy out time so we started playing cards cause what else do you do during camping but play cards and cook. So were playing I think go fish but I can't quite remember. We were playing something and I was having fun playing keep away from the other girl friend. And this guy decides to turn up the stakes and grabs the card from my hand. And I was shocked but we were still having fun.
Yeah, so I figured I bet I could get to the point where he wont grab it so I licked one of the cards and held it between my lips. Yeah . And he grabbed it with his mouth. Now at this point I'm like holy crap he's making a move. So I continue with this game just to see what would happen. I start putting the cards in my bra which is conveniently sticking out of my shirt just a little bit and he comes at me and licks me on my chest then gets the card. than says " you keep thinking I won't do it but I will and I will take it one step farther every time" and he kept his promise. I continue to play the game and sure enough if he didn't lick all around my chest one more time. I look down at him adjusting his "impressive length" and he's getting just about as aroused as I am. Now he has an Idea "lets take this inside the tent its getting hot out here and lets play something different."
So we get in the tent and he suggests we play poker. And guess what I have zero knowledge of how to play poker and we have no chips. He suggest we play strip poker. And me being stupid agrees and guess what I'm the first to start stripping. My shirt was the only thing coming off. Than this guy says this " so I'm going to do something crazy but you have to be open to it. Are you open minded." I say yes and than he comes at me in one big swoop and he kisses me. passionately and wow. He snakes his tongue in and out through my teeth and hold my head with one hand so I can't escape. But before I knew it, it was over. He sits back and looks at me and says " are you okay with that" I say um yes I am totally okay with that. It gave my a little bit of a head rush but yeah I'm okay with that. We start to play poker again and the other friends that were fooling around in the other tent were done and making noise so I got out. And that didn't stop there we realized we had to eat so we started to get hot dogs out but I realized we don't have any wood left so I decided we needed to go on a wood run.
Yeah so that guy was the only one with a car and he wont let any one else drive it. and I had the money. So we have to go together. Little did I know I was getting a little bit more than just cut up trees. So we get down there he gets the wood while I am paying for it and than we both go out side while he puts the wood in the back I get in the passenger seat. Than when he's done he gets in the drivers seat turns on the car but doesn't drive off. He goes and turns so me and says "so how did you like what you got earlier" I figured out what he was dong right away and I so want it so I play along I say " it was good. even though I don't have much experience in that field." he says "well would you like some" I say " yes" all hot and bothered and in an instant his lip are inter locking mine and he had taking my hair in to his hands and I am lost in his kiss. He starts kissing down my neck and I moan loudly, I can feel his smile on my chest as he continues to kiss and suck my neck and down to my breast. He released my breast from my bra and sucks hard on my left nipple, and the feeling resonates down to my groin. I moan again feeling in his every touch. He pulls away leaving my panting and wanting. He starts to unzip his pants and release his growing erection. He says " you wanna feel this."
I stare at it in awe as I node yes. I lean towards his length and take him in to my mouth hard and fast he's surprised and happy. Move up and down and up and down and I decided I wanted to test how far I could go so I went deeper and deeper until there was nowhere else to go. At this point I have all of him in my mouth and when I come up for breath he takes my head and put my mouth to his and than says " lets move to the back seat" he lets me move back as he follows and when we are seated he takes my mouth again, capturing it in his mouth, moving his tongue in and out around and back. As he lays me down on to the seat he unhooks my bra and frees my breasts. And than takes my shorts off along with his shorts. And he takes his shirt off and mine. we are naked in front of each other and sweating. Climbs on top of me and than slowly enters me. Slowly in and out. in and out, I feel him and his full length inside me. I feel full and fantastic. He picks up his pace faster and faster. I started to feel and quickening inside and the faster he goes the quicker it gets until this build up is so much that I come around him as he comes inside me. The explosion of passion that has happened has left both of use tired and breathless. and I am done...
After that encounter we get back to the camp site and we make up a story of the fact oh we got lost and its hot. than for the rest of the trip he continues to ignore me and act like that didn't even happen. Well fuck that. We get back from this trip and he doesn't even acknowledge me at all until I accused him of having crabs which I might add was not true. That was something my friend told me to keep me away from him. Hmmmmm yeah didn't work very well. but than he massaged me like oh I don't know 6 or 7 months later saying oh I want you so bad please I want to fuck you so hard. WELL FUCK YOU. Um no and than not even week later my friend tells me has been engaged to his girl friend for 4 months. really. yeah so i have grown to hate that man. and than he hits on my friend while she's on a bad trip and than fucking calls me and says he's horny and lonely come love me.
So that's that I'm don't ranting about how one guy ruined me for all
men.
Sometimes
I feel like when I talk to my sister about not graduating she feel is like
she's not the problem child anymore she's got some one else she can complaining
about and she has to make everything about her. I don’t get it. When I tell her
I feel like a failure she says " oh at least your not me" she feels
like since she's the middle child she needs to be the middle of attention. And
when someone else just asks for an ounce of that attention she has to make it
about her. I hate that about her. She has to be the center of all and dare I say it she's almost exactly like my
money grabbing aunt, Marge. She stole all may grandparents after they dyed and
most of that money was my siblings and I's collage money. So yeah I called her
a money stealing bitch . Its not like I have any hard feelings or anything.
Yeah so I really just want to vent to my family and they just make I tall about
them. I don’t get it. I mean I don’t feel like they don’t care. But I know they
do care. Really they do. I just don’t feel it. I guess since I have grown up
they feel I should be able to suck it up and move on but I can't
So I know I had to right this down so here goes. I suffer from a disorder where I have non epileptic seizers that are caused by stress . And this caused me to miss a lot of school and classes and some work and I also missed out on hanging with friends and going to parties. This was all in the course of my senior year I might add. Now I have to deal with the fact that I have four doctors and only two will communicate with me because the other two think they are done because they gave me an official diagnosis. So there's part of it the other part is the fact of I cant graduate with my senior class I can't even walk with them. According to the state I can not walk or graduate because I haven't finished all my credits even thought a medical problem prevented me from finishing my credits now I was told this months ago and I thought I dealt with it but apparently not. Because I feel like crying every time I think about it. Now to make matters worse is everyone else is having a graduation party and sending out announcements so just to make it so nobody knows I'm not graduating I am throwing one also.
Now planning it isn't that hard sending out invites isn’t that hard the hard part is the fact that I have to pretend for a day that I'm graduating with everyone. I have to deal with all the "congratulations" and the " I’m so proud of you" and the gifts and the money and everything I never planned on the emotional stand point. I have to lie to all my relatives and to all the people at school and say yes I have my diploma and yes I will be going to college in the fall and yes I will be the star child that you all expected me to be. Because in my family my brother has cerebral palsy so he took the stay until your twenty-one and walk now thing and my sister didn’t pass English so she did graduate on time either. I'm going to quote something my mom said one night when she was really mad at the school " if she doesn’t graduate were going to be three for three now aren’t we" that statement hurt it made me feel like I have let everyone down that I was going to be the third problem child and the fact that I was my parents last hope to have a perfect child and the fact that I let them down just hurts. And there is nothing I can do to fix it I am a sitting duck that’s getting rained on and getting yelled at and thrown into a lions den with a bunch of annoying teenagers. Its very hard to have the disability that you look normal and act normal and most of the time your normal but when you have a seizer people start to ask questions.
I am depressed. Not to the clinical stand point but to the point where I feel ashamed to be happy. I feel I don’t deserve to be happy. And when I get happy on the small times that I am happy I my mind finds reasons to kick me down and keep me there. Sometime when I'm in the shower I find my self unconsciously thinking of the fact of I'm not graduating or the fact of my friends don’t hang out with me. Things that will eventually make me cry. Sometimes I cry so hard I fall into the fetal position and just full on sob. And on the rare occasion that there is someone there that will I will run so someone and huge them and just sit in there arms and cry. They ask me why but I can’t talk if I do I just cry right then, I have to hug them and sit in there arms and calm down just a little bit or just enough to explain why I'm crying than I continue to cry in there arms. And this may sound really selfish but in that moment of just me and my thoughts and expressing them out loud that’s all I want it to be me talking and them listening. Because sometimes I need to get things out.
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