Anxiety and Depression

I was skimming through Facebook like I always do and I see an article on anxiety and depression. I decide not to click on it cause its probably just an article to raise awareness. And I know there's going to be some articles that say that and all the things that go with that the thing is, I scroll past it and see three more articles saying something about this. And I know that we need to raise awareness and I agree with all the articles on anxiety and depression. but the thing that gets me is I suffer from anxiety and depression and these articles that are supposed to make us feel like we are not alone just make us feel worse. As I read these articles about it I feel yes you know what I'm feeling and that's cool and all but the anxiety makes it so that when I see so many things about me or about things that involve me I feel more alone then I should. Honestly I feel like if you raise awareness more and more people will come forward and say "hey I have that" and some of them have no idea what an anxiety attack is. Some of them have no idea how it feels to be standing in a room full of your closest friends or relatives and feel nothing, empty, and like you don't belong. Honestly, and I may sound paranoid by saying this, I feel that the more aware people become the more there self actualized theory comes true.

These people that go on to WebMD to see what this red mark is on there arm and see that is might be sickle cell disease and then freak out and go to the doctor and he says It not and that its just a scratch. these people that go on to Facebook see these articles on anxiety and depression and read them and thing " Oh My God I'm depressed and I have anxiety about being depressed" and then go on to there social media and comment about having anxiety and depression. When in reality they have nothing there just paranoid and have nothing better to do then sit at there computer all day and complain about there life.

If they really did have anxiety then they would be to afraid to say anything for they feel of someone making fun of them or telling them that they complain to much.

People with anxiety and depression both together suffer from the strangest of feelings. We feel sad but at the same time we are afraid to cry for fear someone might see. we are frustrated but at the same time we don't want to do anything for fear someone would say we are over reacting. when we have anxiety attacks people try and play it off as if we do it all the time. I have seizers which are manifested anxiety attacks I have prolonged happening for fear some one would play it off as a freak episode. and even when I started having seizers I went to the hospital the doctor took one look at my file and saw the word anxiety and automatically thought I was faking or that I could control it. He stood by my bed side and watched me have a seizer and stood there looking at me, did nothing and just kept saying " you can stop now, you can stop now, " this happened over a year ago and to this day it still angers me.

So next time you, who is faking anxiety to get attention, complain about your anxiety level and how depressed you are. think of this I have suffered for 15 years with anxiety and 2 years with depression, no medication can help me and almost everyone thinks if faking. you don't know what it feels like to have the feeling if spiders crawling all over your body, your heart beat rising to the point you almost burst, so you crawl into the fetal position to prevent you self from exploding. and you sit there crying your eyes out for several minutes or until you regain what little hold you have on yourself. Next time you complain about your "Anxiety level" remember this. you don't know anxiety. We do, and most of us feel nothing anymore.

religan in its finest form

So I find myself questioning something. Even though I often question if god even exists to begin with but I do find myself questioning if he does exist I sometimes think that we could be seeing him everyday. We could have met him and we didn't even know it. I'm going to quote a famous song "what if god was one of us?" He could be a homeless person trying to see if people are generous enough to give him or her spare change. Or she could be a politician trying to see who will follow her on blind faith. Or even a pastor preaching her words of wisdom upon us. she could be anyone and we would be none the wiser. She could be anyone.

I watch super natural so I have a pretty screwed up view on religion. In supernatural the angel Castile becomes God at one point. But he doesn't change like being possessed does to a person. He simply knows that he has all gods powers. So this makes my wonder. Could god do that. Could she give up her powers to a mortal like in "Bruce all mighty" could God be a human. God could be living in a crappy apartment on the upper east side of Manhattan and be a bar tender the local bar. My question is how could a God look at our world that he so called " created" and see all the things that go on. All the wars over stupid imaginary lines and people getting killed everyday over the color of there skin or the people they choose to love. How could a God look at this world and not fix it with a wave of his have? If I had the ability to change the world and make everyone love each other and not fight I would.  What I don't understand is that people are hating other people and killing other people over a book that they say says that they should be killed or hated.

If you are hating someone or killing people based on your religion than you are doing it wrong.

I lived a day in someone elses shows and I tell you it was an eye opener. I lived 24 hours wearing a hijab. Being in a hijab taught me how to ignore what people think, but it also taught me to notice it. I live in a vey controversial area where we don't take kindly to outsiders, and me wearing a hijab raised some red flags. People looked at me strange and people would openly stare and look at me. I honestly looked like they were silently condemning me. I actually walked into a restaurant and a man blatantly looked at me and then did a double take to make sure he knew what he was seeing. I had many stares and some people walked into a restaurant I was in and took one look at me turned around and walk out saying under there breath "I'm not going to risk sitting in a restaurant with a Muslim." honestly the nerve of some people.

Although I may have chosen an inopportune time to do this social experiment. I did my experiment the day before and a little bit the day of 9/11. So I may have bad timing but the experiment held true.